Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Why You Should Not Be Obsessed Over One Woman

Are you overly obsessed over one woman in your life? Do you feel that you cannot find someone better that the woman that you are obsessed over? Then you have definitely catch the deadly dating obsession disease...

I am pretty sure that mostly every guy will be guilty of this, which is to be obsessed over one particular woman, be it your friend, or a woman from your past relationship. A piece of dating advice from me is, being obsessed over one woman is not the same as being faithful to one woman.

When we talk about faithfulness, it is when you and a woman is in a relationship, and you show commitment and trust in this relationship by not fooling around. But being obsessed over one woman is when a man desires this one woman so much that they avoid any attempt to even date other women. This is not a healthy situation or attitude to have.

It is very common for guys to stuck with a certain girl, who no matter what you do; she just will not reciprocate the feeling that you have for her. In this case, my piece of dating advice to you is to move out of this situation as fast as you can! Stop obsessing over her. Rather than waiting on her to "come around," go out and live an active, full life with a variety of women in it.

I am pretty sure that if you make yourself "trapped" in this situation, it will cost you a lot of other things. You will be going down a "death relationship spiral", and missing out other opportunities to know more women out there. It can also greatly crush your confidence and self-esteem, which will make any future dates for you harder.

Therefore, I sincerely advise any guys who are obsessed over one woman to get a life! Get out of this "death relationship spiral". You can meet the girl that is truly yours out there, if you just start to know more women. Do not confuse between staying faithful and over obsession when come to dating women.


Anonymous said...

You hit the nail on the head, my friend. If you put all your eggs in one basket and choose to obsess over a single woman in your life, you are almost certain to be crushed.

I have had many friends, both male and female, who put their faith in this idea that there was a special someone out there who they were meant to be with. Their almost inevitable disillusionment/eternal longing is painful to watch, and I myself have been privy to most of the experience.

I've never been a religious or spiritual person since I was old enough to make the choice for myself, hence I don't buy into the concept of fate. Maybe that makes it easier for me to cope with the idea that the one I fell head over heels for will never feel the same about me. Nevertheless, it's still been a long, hard, incredibly lonely battle for me (6 years and counting, self-imposed ex-communication for the last 5).

I don't think there's an easy solution to this problem, you just gotta deal with it the way a warrior deals with a missing limb. For a long time I didn't, couldn't do this. I felt like I had just had my ass kicked all the way to China and back. 1 year after the big rejection, I was in such a desperate state that I gave full meaning to the term "death relationship spiral". After I hit rock bottom, the wound slowly healed over a little bit and I've been managing ok. I've been in a few relationships since, but they meant nothing to me compared to what I felt I was missing with my dream girl.

Sounds pretty depressing so far, but there is a silver lining in the clouds. Eventually I found someone who, in different ways, I have come to feel for like I once did/do for little Ms. Dream Girl. I'm very close friends with her now and see her regularly, so I'm hoping we'll take the next step soon. If not, I can live with it now because I know more about myself as a person (confidence!), that she will still be a very close friend, and that there will be more women to enter my life if I only just allow it.

I don't expect that I will ever fully overcome that first major rejection, but I don't need to. I wear it like a badge of honour, like a battle scar, another story I carry around so noone can EVER tell me I had it easy or had my successes served to me on a silver platter.

Remember, at the end of the day, if you want to be happy, you always gotta look out for number 1. That means YOU. Can't handle the depression? Good, it hurts, that's the way it's supposed to feel. Getting rejected just plain sucks, no two ways about it. Go ahead, take it out on your friends, family, the world, your pillow, whatever- as long as it actually makes you feel better in the end. You deserve nothing less than to feel better. Then go pick yourself up and keep looking for that someone else, that someone who might not be so special in the universe's grand designs, but is nonetheless very special to you.

Crid Lee said...

I really salute for the way you deal with "emotional scar", which i absolutely agreed with you!

Personally I feel that no matter how many setbacks in relationship that a guy faces in his life, he should treat them as experiences and emerge stronger from it... just like what you have said "you just gotta deal with it the way a warrior deals with a missing limb..."

I am happy for you that you have already moved on... and I totally understand how you felt and those incredibly lonely battle... but I am sure you are now a stronger warrior that nothing in a relationship can ever pull you down for long again.

All the best for you and the girl, and thanks for your long and thoughtful comment for this post.


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